i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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