I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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