none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
