The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
