The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
