we're chasing vodka with high fives
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
