Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
