I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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