i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
