Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
