obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize