My first STD was from a foam party
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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