You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think my moral compass just broke
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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