Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
