Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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