I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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