The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
