Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You made out with two different species that night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
