You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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