listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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