Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
