I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this hospital has no fireball
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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