she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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