She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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