Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize