my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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