Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
