Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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