You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
