I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
