Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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