three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
