Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
