.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
