"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
