i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize