Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
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