Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize