I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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