Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
its liver damage thursday
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize