So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
