This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
soo... how was my night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
