6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
