And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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