She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
