Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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