i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
