I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
