Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
