You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
