Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was born a porn star she said
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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