Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
