i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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