Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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