So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
