Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
