I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
