it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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