I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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