In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
