I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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