There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
