respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
