My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
