Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
