somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
