I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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