Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
