pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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