Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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