You're completely useless in the revolution.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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