apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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