There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
