Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
