I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
