i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
