I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize