plz talk dirty to me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you never un-have a 4some
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
