im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
