I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
