I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
