please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
