i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
