im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
