Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
