Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
