i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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