dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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