I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
