My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
