i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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