Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
