Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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