You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
