Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
