Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
