big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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