Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
