overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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