So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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