Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
