real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
