first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
