Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That's intense
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
