Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
