I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
