Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
