I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
