OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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