She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
