i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
