i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
