I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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