he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
