I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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