Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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