she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
