Moan for me like Helen Keller
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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