pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
