hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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