he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize