He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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