I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
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