i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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