He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
